Tonight is one of those nights where I am just simply confused. I sit here by myself with so many unanswered questions. Why am I here alone? Why did I almost just die? Why am I just now figuring out that I have so many ailments? I am having one of those weird moments where I am completely unsure if my glass is half full or is it half empty? I turn 35 years old next week and truly don't know where I stand. I think about where I wanted to be by now when I was 21 years old and am honestly at this moment simply feeling sad. I am not feeling sorry for myself. I am completely aware of how lucky I am. I could write down words until tomorrow of all the things in my life that I am grateful for. Most of the time I feel so happy and optimistic. But at this moment, for a few minutes, I feel both sad and scared. I sort of feel like that's okay. I can have moments like this now and again right? I am allowed too? Maybe someday I will have a house again, and a family. I won't have to have nights where I am all by myself, afraid of why my arm is tingling, or twitching. Or at least I will have someone next to me to tell me not to to worry and everything is going to be okay. I won't feel scared every night that it's only a matter of time before then next scary thing happens to me without any warning or reason. Tomorrow I will probably wake up back to my normal self. Tonight I am just not okay and there isn't anyone here to tell. I will just write it down, and try and sleep. It is what it is, as they say. Good Night.
Cam
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