Finding Hope

So as most of you know, I just got back from a trip to Colorado. I was there for a week and was there for several specific reasons. I went to celebrate the upcoming marriage of a great friend. I went to explore some future job options for me as I get closer to moving back home. I went to visit some family and friends who I feel I don't get to see nearly enough. I went to see a concert of one of my new favorite artists, Mr Frank MF Turner. Although I was sick with a chest cold a large portion of the trip, I will say that the trip as a whole was a success. The one thing I found while I was there that I was not expecting to find was hope. I felt like maybe there is a chance that I am going to make it though this portion of my life that I am finding at times completely hopeless. As I struggle at times to have any sort of drive to continue, while there I was able to in-vision what my future could look like and for a minute or two, on several different occasions, I felt some hope. I was pulled aside by more than one friend while I was there, and told that I am a good person, and a good father. I was told by my old boss, and possible future boss again, that he had all the confidence in the world in me when it came to hiring me back on as his right hand man to help make his team even more successful that they already are. For the first time in a long time, I felt needed. Needed as a friend and needed as  a person that other people want around them. Don't get me wrong, I have great friends here in Vegas who I know support me greatly and I am going to miss dearly. I am just a person who doesn't like it when things are up in the air. I don't do well when it comes to making major life decisions without having a partner to bounce ideas of off because it effects their life as much as it does mine. I haven't had to do that for the last 12 years. Now, humility is my new best friend. I am back to square one. Lucky for me, I have a fantastic support system. I have a great family who constantly offers me support. I have amazing friends all over the country who I know have my back. Most importantly, I have a daughter who doesn't have a single doubt that she will always be loved, always have food on her plate, clothes on her back, and a roof over her head.  She knows she will always taken care of and if I ever lack confidence in myself, she never does which always helps me bounce back. Things right now are tough for me. I am not always happy, or friendly, and sometimes I am for lack of a better term, an a-hole. I am struggling. I apologize to any of you who have been on the shit end my bad day. This is the toughest my life has been in a very long time. Luckily, I think I have finally caught a glimpse of the light at the end of this tunnel. It's pretty far away and flickering, but at least it's something.