Balancing Plate: Pt 2

So i just wanted an opportunity to explain what  non-sense that goes on any given day in my head. This is not a complaining session, or me looking for pity. This is just me making an attempt to explain what being a single parent is like. I don't know if this is normal for everyone, but I know it's true for me. First of all, I have anxiety. I have started to realize this over the last few months. Sometimes it's about Keira. I feel like being the final (and only) say when it comes to Keira is difficult. When she is with me, and a decision needs to be made, it's mine to make. I don't have that other parent here to bounce that decision off of.  Although I am always confident, it doesn't mean making every decision is easy. All I want is for Keira to be okay. Balancing being a dad, my job, and attempting to have a social life is extremely difficult. I also have anxiety when it comes to dating. Let's face it. I was broken. I questioned every single day what I did wrong for months. I never came to a conclusion so I have a constant fear of rejection. A fear of doing whatever I did before which made me no longer desirable. As I stated before, I have a lot of confidence, but again, that doesn't mean it's not difficult. So it's all about balancing plates. I have to make sure Keira is 100% always. I never want her to see my insecurities. I have to give everything I have to her whenever she is with me and keep her at the forefront of my mind when she is not. While at work, my attention is turned and my main priority becomes just that. Always hoping the guys in charge see my dedication so when I need an exception because my daughter needs me, those same guys understand and don't hold it against me. And of course, my social life. It's difficult to make time for my family, my friends, and myself. Sometimes things go amazing and I feel like I am the king of the world. Keira is happy, things are great at work, and I have plenty of time for the other people in my life who are important to me. Other times, I feel so overwhelmed that I can barely stand it. The world feels like it's crashing down and it can feel incredibly lonely. For the single parents out there who find a way to kick ass at this, bravo. This is serious business. I don't think for a second it's not something I can't handle. Balancing plates is a real skill. I just have serious respect for the folks who have done it for years and kept it together. But I am completely on board. I will never quit and I WILL balance. Bring on the plates, and watch the show.

-Cam

I am thankful for: Days 1 through 365.

It's almost that time again. Time for giving thanks. I know because I see a lot of you posting things you are grateful for on Facebook everyday around this same time each year. Life can really be a kick in the junk sometimes and it's VERY easy to get wrapped up in all the things we DON'T have. All the things that are wrong in our lives. And now with social networking, I find it's very easy to compare ourselves to our friends, our peers, and our co-workers. I am especially guilty of this. I see where other people are at, and simply wonder why that's not me. Perfect marriages, and families, and big homes, and high paying jobs. It's easy to do when it's in our faces all the time. I am a social networking junkie. I love reading statuses, and tweets from my friends and family. I love looking at photos of everyone and their kids, and pets and awesome things. It doesn't mean I don't get jealous. It doesn't mean I don't wonder where I went wrong because the truth is I had all those things. Yet, when I think back to where I was a year ago, I was miserable. Completely miserable. I felt like my entire world was going to end. I didn't have a clue what was in store for me in the coming months, including where I was going to live, or if I even had a job.  It's a scary feeling. Fast forward one year later, and here I am blogging about being grateful. I have a nice apartment that is plenty for me and Keira. I have a job that I actually enjoying going to every day. I have an amazing family and friends. I have someone I love spending my free time with. I have everything I need and believe it or not, I am happier than I have been in years.

It's all about something to look forward too right? It's why the flight to your destination on a vacation is so much quicker than the flight home. The excitement of what's to come in life makes things so much better than dreading your future. I choose to be excited for what's to come. I choose not to let other's negativity bring me down. I choose to look around me and be grateful for all the things I have instead of the things I don't. Keira learns by watching me. I think more so then when I actually try and teach her things. My goal is to show her how to be a better person. This means continuing to do volunteer work and giving back. It means leading by example and spending as much time with her as I can. It means showing her what gratefulness is. I want her to understand that it isn't about possessions and superficial things. It's about feeling loved and safe each and everyday. Not feeling sad, or scared, and knowing you will be taken care of no matter what. Having confidence in yourself and doing your best everyday. At the end of the day, she and I both will be happy, grateful people and life will be good.