Let me tell you what it's like...

Have you ever wondered what it's going to be like when you die? I don't mean whether you go to heaven or hell. Or whether you will come back as a cat, or a zebra or even another human being. I mean how it is going to effect the people around you. Your friends, or your family or children. I wonder that every day. I honestly try not too but I can't help it.

A long time ago I watched a movie called "Final Destination." It's a movie about a teenage kid who convinced 6 others to get off a plane because of a bad feeling. He and the others watch as the plane takes off and immediately explodes killing everyone on board moments after leaving the ground. One by one the people who were suppose to be on that plane and cheated death get picked off and die, one after the other. I feel like I am one of those people.

I have dodged death quite a few times now. I was in a rollover car wreck going over 90 miles an hour in the middle of nowhere. I have been brought back to life via CPR after essentially drowning in a lake. Of course most recently I suffered a stroke followed by two separate emergency brain surgeries to remove a clot in a vein going to my brain. I am now dealing with unexplained kidney disease that has doctor's baffled. These are the physical deaths I have dodged. Then there is the psychological tragedies I have overcome in the recent past including losing a parent, a marriage, and losing my son.

It would have been so easy to have given up. I have to be honest. I have wondered "Why me?" more times than I could ever count. It's difficult to constantly worry in the back of your mind if this is "the last time I will be doing this." I feel like I am good person and I try to be a good dad and role model for my daughter. I try to be nice to people and I try and be there for my friends and family whenever I can. I do my best to give back to my community. Honestly though, these are the reasons why I keep on. If death is coming for me, bring it on. Until that day comes, I am not going to stop.

Life sometimes doesn't make sense. People who don't deserve things are gifted them for what seems like no apparent reason at all. I constantly have to convince myself that it's not for me to judge why some seem so lucky while others struggle everyday. I know I am far more fortunate than many and most of the time I feel very blessed. I just want these medical problems to stop and be given the chance to be there for Keira for at least her entire childhood. I want to be around and have the opportunity to have an awesome relationship and prove that I can be the amazing boyfriend/husband that I know I am capable of being. I want to make a difference in other people's lives in a positive way for as long as possible. 

None of these things I have been though in my life have been easy, but one by one I have overcome them with the help of a fantastic support group. This kidney disease is the next chapter that I am already convinced I will overcome. Watch me and follow along as I beat this just as I have every other obstacle in the past. Nothing will stop me. Not this, not anything.