Let me tell you what it's like...

Have you ever wondered what it's going to be like when you die? I don't mean whether you go to heaven or hell. Or whether you will come back as a cat, or a zebra or even another human being. I mean how it is going to effect the people around you. Your friends, or your family or children. I wonder that every day. I honestly try not too but I can't help it.

A long time ago I watched a movie called "Final Destination." It's a movie about a teenage kid who convinced 6 others to get off a plane because of a bad feeling. He and the others watch as the plane takes off and immediately explodes killing everyone on board moments after leaving the ground. One by one the people who were suppose to be on that plane and cheated death get picked off and die, one after the other. I feel like I am one of those people.

I have dodged death quite a few times now. I was in a rollover car wreck going over 90 miles an hour in the middle of nowhere. I have been brought back to life via CPR after essentially drowning in a lake. Of course most recently I suffered a stroke followed by two separate emergency brain surgeries to remove a clot in a vein going to my brain. I am now dealing with unexplained kidney disease that has doctor's baffled. These are the physical deaths I have dodged. Then there is the psychological tragedies I have overcome in the recent past including losing a parent, a marriage, and losing my son.

It would have been so easy to have given up. I have to be honest. I have wondered "Why me?" more times than I could ever count. It's difficult to constantly worry in the back of your mind if this is "the last time I will be doing this." I feel like I am good person and I try to be a good dad and role model for my daughter. I try to be nice to people and I try and be there for my friends and family whenever I can. I do my best to give back to my community. Honestly though, these are the reasons why I keep on. If death is coming for me, bring it on. Until that day comes, I am not going to stop.

Life sometimes doesn't make sense. People who don't deserve things are gifted them for what seems like no apparent reason at all. I constantly have to convince myself that it's not for me to judge why some seem so lucky while others struggle everyday. I know I am far more fortunate than many and most of the time I feel very blessed. I just want these medical problems to stop and be given the chance to be there for Keira for at least her entire childhood. I want to be around and have the opportunity to have an awesome relationship and prove that I can be the amazing boyfriend/husband that I know I am capable of being. I want to make a difference in other people's lives in a positive way for as long as possible. 

None of these things I have been though in my life have been easy, but one by one I have overcome them with the help of a fantastic support group. This kidney disease is the next chapter that I am already convinced I will overcome. Watch me and follow along as I beat this just as I have every other obstacle in the past. Nothing will stop me. Not this, not anything.

In Memory... (With a little help from some friends)

Back in 2010, my son Connor Michael was born far too soon. At less than a pound at birth, he fought as hard as he could for 14 days before we lost him to Heaven. Every year since he passed away, I have been very active with the March Of Dimes by doing a March For Babies campaign. Not only do I enjoy it, but I feel like I am making a difference by raising both money for research/helping families as well as awareness.

Here is a link to my March For Babies camaign page. Please consider donating to help us reach our goal.

Earlier this year, I asked professional artist Chris Shary if he would be willing to do a sharpie drawing of Connor. Chris is best known for doing all the artwork for the bands The Descendents/ALL as well as others. He used a photo of Connor I gave him and by my request, he eliminated the medical tubes and tape from the drawing so I had a picture of just Connor. It turned out absolutely incredible and I couldn't be more honored and pleased with the result. I now have the original art in a custom frame hanging on my wall as a daily reminder of my beautiful baby boy.

I came up with an idea and thought it would be awesome if I could use this drawing, and take it a step further. I decided to reach out to the owners of my favorite clothing company, Legionnaire Apparel, and see if it would be possible to get this incredible drawing on a tee for all of the friends and family who are walking with us this year with March For Babies to wear during the walk. I received an immediate response from Joe Moxley, one of the co-owners of Legionnaire, (the other owner being Mike Herrera from the band MXPX who I absolutely love) saying that they would be honored to help make this happen for me. Joe and I worked together to come up with a design and it turned out absolutely fantastic.

Check out all the amazing Legionnaire clothing here

These people are amazing. The kindness of Chris, Joe & Mike is enough to bring tears to my eyes, even as I type this. I miss my son every day and I truly hope in my heart that with the help of my family, my friends, and the kindness of strangers we are making a difference for little ones born too soon in the future.