A closed letter to my daughter...

I decided about 9 months ago there is so much I want to say to my daughter Keira. I mean a lot. I had been going though a a difficult time in my life and had finally come to terms with being okay with myself. I am so unbelievably in love with and grateful to my kid, but racked my brain trying to come up with a way to explain and share some of my most complicated thoughts, and feelings I have ever experienced with a 5 year old. "Hey Keira, just so you know... you are my rock. On my worst days, all I have to do is look at you sleep and everything is cool. Got it?" Let's be honest, how does somebody make a little one understand how important they are to you as a parent? If you are a dad or a mom, you get it. At least I hope you do. You look into your child's eyes and all you see is love. You see a better future. Far better than you could have ever hoped for yourself. I think for some of us, it's very easy to take that for granted. I know for a fact that at times, I was guilty of that. I think lately, I haven't been. With very little distractions in my life, I have been able to focus on what's important to me. The fact is, it's her. So I decided I wanted to write some of these feelings down, in real time. What I was confused about was how I was going going to be able to share these feelings with her. So I came up with a plan. If you know me, you know I am a technology junkie. There is nothing I am into more than the amount of cool things we have access too in the present time. I love social networking (as you all already know if you are reading this), and I wanted to come up with a way to share these thoughts in my head with Keira but at a time she was actually capable of understanding them. So... I created an email address for her (without her knowledge of course) and I have been writing her letters. These are letters she will not see for a very long time. These are private letters to her that I hope will someday (when she is old enough to understand) help her realize what an amazing effect she has had on her father. I want her to understand what an impact she made by just by being her and nothing more. The things I say are filled with nothing but love. There is zero negativity, but pure positive emotions written down that I hope will someday fill her heart with joy.

If you are a parent to a young child and can relate to this in any way, I encourage you to do the same. What a simple way for us as parents to not only let out some of these emotions we experience in a positive way, but also an unbelievable surprise for the little ones we love so much to one day understand how important they have always been to us. To have a way to feel the raw emotion we have had for them since they were so young. The email address and password will remain a secret until the day I decide she is ready to understand everything I have wanted to share with her for so long. My hope is that one day it will bring us closer together than we have ever been. Until that day comes, I will have a constant reminder of what is most important.

If I could write to the kid I was before....

Dear Camron circa 1998,

It's 2013 and I just got done putting Keira down for a nap. Keira is the name you will give your first born, your only daughter, and the apple of your eye. She is exhausted from a long weekend of camping with her mom and grandparents. I am no longer married to her mom and I am not going to tell you her mother's name. Don't let this stop you from giving all relationships you have everything you've got. It will all work out. You are 33 now and I promise that even-though everything seems crazy, and difficult, and super scary right now, it's 15 years later and you are doing fine. You will have become a great dad, you will have repaired the relationships with your family that you are currently still mending, and you will have some of the best friends a guy could ask for. Believe it or not, a lot of those friends are people you are friends with today. You are going to get to travel the United States and live all over the place. Don't be afraid to take risks. Don't be afraid to push yourself. Most importantly, as you continue to grow and learn as a man, always have confidence and be proud of any accomplishments, big or small. There are going to be some rough spots along the way. You will overcome. There will be times when it feels like the world is going to end. You will be strong and get through whatever it is. I'm not going to lie, at times things will flat out suck. That is part of life. Think about how much you have already overcome just in the last year. None of these battles will be too big.

Keira will teach you what unconditional love means. Embrace that feeling, because there is nothing in the world like it. She will keep you grounded so love her in the way your heart leads you. The things you are passionate about now won't change. (Music, Sports, Ect) Take photos and create memories. As many as you can. Days like today you will be so glad you did. The best part is, one day you will get to pass those passions on to Keira, and she will love them as much as you do.

Stay the course. Trust yourself. Everything is going to be alright, be strong, believe.

Life can be crazy

Hey friends and fam,

It's been a while since I gave an update so if you are interested, I figured I would share. Its been a crazy couple months for me but I am feeling pretty good about things all things considered. Things are officially settled down here in Colorado. Summer is here (almost over...) but for the most part, everything is under control. Keira seems to be doing pretty well and having fun at her day care summer camp. They have fun activities for her every day including a couple field trips a week which she enjoys and she is making friends. She is ready for 1st grade to start (1st grade!!) and we have been working on getting new supplies and clothes. I remember being SOOO excited as a kid to wear new clothes to school thinking it would help me be cooler. Clearly I was wrong. Ha! I love shopping for her though and finding deals although shopping is a lot less fun when you are broke. Oh-well, she will have what she needs so I suppose that is all that matters. I am finally pretty comfortable at work. I am making friends and have met some really cool people. I feel grateful every day that I have a job that I love and I know that I am super lucky with that. I have many friends who hate what they do and I never want to be in that place again. It's definitely a stress I am glad I don't have to deal with much. Don't get me wrong, I have my days but mostly it's awesome every day and it's rare I wake up not looking forward to going to work. I will say I absolutely love being back in Colorado. There is so much fun going on here all the time and a lot of it is free. I saw an amazing free show last week and am going to another one tomorrow and Sat. There is also so many cool places to take Keira. We have gone on some pretty awesome adventures together.

The only crappy thing I am dealing with is my stomach. I had to go to the ER a couple weeks ago for Pancreatitis. Although the doctors are unsure what caused it (this time), I saw a specialist who is convinced it is stress related. I guess that makes sense so I am doing everything I can to try and not sweat the small stuff. I am a pretty happy person most of the time so I am just trying to focus on the positive more and hopefully everything will go well. Without getting into the details, I ask that you throw some well wishes my way. Stressing about this is obviously the last thing I need right now. Keira and I have a trip coming up next month for my sister Mikayla's wedding which we are both super excited about! Virginia Beach, here we come! Oh yeah, and last month I won a trip to New York to see the NHL Draft. The Avs drafted 1st over all, (Yes, they blew it last season) and my great buddy Paul and I got to meet Nathan MacKinnon, the first over all pick. It was an incredible experience that I will never forget.